A Link

A link to a directory of blogs. Since they link to me, I might as well link back.

The Inverse Theory of SUV Size

I have a theory. I don't believe I'm the only one to ever subscribe to this theory, but I have a theory.

The larger the SUV or truck one drives, the smaller a person they are, in one way, shape, or form. Take a look around, I think you'll agree with me. What motivates a person to drive an unnecessarily large vehicle? Most of those buyers will claim one of a few things: Safety, utility, or road stature. Bear with me, I'll explain.

The safety part is a crock, but they all love to cite that as a reason. Why get the midsize SUV when a Hummer is safer because it's larger? There's more material and weight to protect me! Of course, that added weight, material, and especially height also lead to a disproportional amount of rollovers compared to smaller vehicles, and the death rate for large SUVs is higher as well. Flipping onto your roof in an accident isn't very safe.

Utility is usually a catch-all excuse for just wanting something big to make up for other aspects of their person or life. I've never seen a Hummer towing anything. A Surburban is rarely seen by me with all its seats filled with passengers. Usually it's one person, maybe a family, but never a collection of people and stuff large enough that they couldn't fit into something that might cram into a garage.

Road stature is merely the intimidation factor they think they have on the mean streets of the suburbs. They think, because their behemoth is barreling towards your small car, you're going to move. Some people do move. I don't move. Go ahead and hit me. I'll see ya in court, and you'll be buying me a new car because mine will pinball off yours and keep me perfectly safe, and not roll over. The higher they are and the bigger they feel compared to other drivers, the more secure they are in themselves. Which takes me back to my theory.

I think we can all agree that a large percentage of large SUV/truck drivers (mainly the Hummer H2, Chevy Suburban, GMC Yukon XL, Ford Excursion, but I also put in those people that feel the need to drive giant lifted pickups and dualies when they haven't seen a ranch, much less use that pickup on a ranch) don't need that much truck. The vast majority of those people would be fine with a midsize SUV, or even a midsize sedan, right? That's what I'm going with.

Watch a Hummer driver the next time they drop back down to earth upon exit. Have you ever seen a guy over 6 feet tall driving one? It's rare. Ever seen a tall woman driving one, for that matter? Can't say I have. Usually it's rather small people. And if they're tall, I'm convinced they've got major genitalia issues. Vienna sausage compared to bratwurst, if you follow me. I think you'll find a disproportionate amount of small people driving large vehicles. If they're not small in height, I'm convinced they have insecurity issues and need something to make themselves feel big.

Not that I can relate, but it's still my theory and I like it anyway. I'm not jealous, I could drive one of those if I wanted to, but I don't enjoy driving trucks. I'm 6'3" and drive an Acura RSX. Why a small sports coupe? It's fun, it handles well, I get double digit miles to the gallon, it's really all I need in capacity, and it's fast enough to avoid all the crazy SUV people. Or maybe I'm just secure with myself. I feel just as safe as an SUV driver. I have the same number of airbags, and I know I'd have to drive off a cliff to roll over. I can maneuver around obstacles much better than an SUV, whose only option might be to ram it. Large SUV drivers scare the living crap out of me sometimes, because that false sense of superiority and security they have leads them to be ignorant, selfish, or inattentive. Perhaps that's why I have a problem with them.

But I'm still convinced the drivers of said SUVs have major issues with smallness. Perhaps a nationwide boost in self esteem would lead to severely declining sales of the Hummer? I can hope.

The Sleeveless Turtleneck--What's the Point?

I told you I can be random.

Please, someone, anyone, Bueller, tell me the purpose of the sleeveless turtleneck. Why does it exist? Is there any purpose to it? Because I just don't get it. And I have a little bit of fashion background, as I worked in marketing for a mall. I've read trade magazines about women's fashion, I know way more about labels and designers than I need to, and I still can't explain the existence of the sleeveless turtleneck. I personally feel they look ridiculous, yet women insist on wearing them anyway.

A regular turtleneck is meant to keep someone warm, right? Usually they're wool or heavy cotton or cashmere or a material that keeps heat in. So why remove the sleeves? Your neck gets cold but your arms need a breeze? I suppose someone might claim they are for layering under a jacket, but that's a pretty flimsy reason to not have sleeves. If your neck is that likely to get cold and you need a jacket anyway, shouldn't you just have sleeves too?

I've seen women wear the sleeveless turtleneck in the summer. Are they nuts? Do they think it looks good? Sorry lady, you look like a moron. Usually, it's the thirty or forty something white woman trying to still look good for her age, but she usually comes across as trying to hard. Oftentimes the sleeveless turtleneck is paired with the flowered capris, another punishable fashion offense in my eyes. The woman wearing that combo also often has the give-up bob haircut. You know the one I'm talking about, the one all suburban white women in their thirties get: The above the shoulder, I'm a proud mom of too many brats and I just don't have the time to make my hair look good because my kids are undisciplined and are always bothering me so I cut my hair short because it looks so good with capris and sleeveless tops look. Don't tell me you haven't seen it, it's everywhere. Just look around.

If anyone knows the reasoning behind the sleeveless turtleneck, please comment. I'd like to know. Until I know why they exist, I'll continue to think they look ridiculous and laugh at the women who bother to buy that lame clothing hybrid.

An Introduction

You might be saying: Who the hell is this guy, and why should I care what he says?

First, my name is Brian, and I really don't know why you'd care what I think. Sometimes I don't care what I think. I can't tell you why you should care, other than I try to write in a somewhat amusing and entertaining manner. I can't claim to always succeed, but I'll try.

I'm in my mid-twenties, and I live in an affluent suburb of Dallas, Texas. It's a suburb I grew up in before moving away for high school and college, and I chose to return after I graduated. Why I moved back, I really don't know. My suburban hometown and Dallas in general, while it has it's very nice parts, can also drive you nuts.

For those who don't know, Dallas is probably the least scenic city in the US. No oceans, no mountains, no hills, very little history, nothing but urban sprawl. Don't get me wrong, I like urban sprawl, but that's all there is to it. The best things to look at are the buildings, the cars, and the people, and alot of the people are not worthy of being looked at. There's no benefit to leaving Dallas either, the surrounding non-city areas are, in my opinion, hillbilly and worthless. I'm a city boy, ok? If I offended your country sensibilities, I'm sorry. I'm impressed you even look at blogs instead of drinking Bud Light out on your patio while your dogs get it on in your unmowed lawn.

But Dallas has alot of things going for it: Good food, good shopping, good sports, nice winters, and alot of options. But I'm not a person to go on and on about things that are good, how's that amusing to others? I usually save my rants for things that irritate me, because I feel better when I vent. So what sucks about Dallas? Weather, traffic sucks, that lack of scenery, it's in the Bible Belt, Texas stereotypes and those people that help perpetuate them, SUVs, pickups, an unhealthy obsession with a football team, and more. But it's my hometown, I'll always have somewhat of a soft spot for it.

So I see things from a Dallas point of view. A white, mid-twenties male resident of Dallas point of view. That's the only way I can see things. The only thing I can change is my age, and that takes time. I'm not changing gender, and I'm not moving yet, so that's the way I see things. I lean Republican, like most white city people in Texas, but my political views swing wildly depending on the topic, especially when religion is dragged into things.

Religion drives me nuts. Especially those religious types that force their views on others, which you get alot of here. I personally find religion to breed alot of hypocrisy, alot of grandstanding, and alot of blind faith. Rather than try to figure things out for themselves, people rely too much on religion. If that works for you, good for you, but don't tell me how I'm missing something in my life because I don't subscribe to the same holy newsletter as you.

You'll find out more about me as I rant on later. But mainly, my goal is to amuse you for a minute or two. If you don't like reading my works, don't. I can't force you. If you just want to rip me a new one, go ahead if you have something valid to say. If it's just a fifth-grade-esque "you suck", go away. I respect differing opinions from people who but some thought into it. But immaturity and a general lack of courtesy is another peeve of mine.

Now you know.