The Inverse Theory of SUV Size
I have a theory. I don't believe I'm the only one to ever subscribe to this theory, but I have a theory.
The larger the SUV or truck one drives, the smaller a person they are, in one way, shape, or form. Take a look around, I think you'll agree with me. What motivates a person to drive an unnecessarily large vehicle? Most of those buyers will claim one of a few things: Safety, utility, or road stature. Bear with me, I'll explain.
The safety part is a crock, but they all love to cite that as a reason. Why get the midsize SUV when a Hummer is safer because it's larger? There's more material and weight to protect me! Of course, that added weight, material, and especially height also lead to a disproportional amount of rollovers compared to smaller vehicles, and the death rate for large SUVs is higher as well. Flipping onto your roof in an accident isn't very safe.
Utility is usually a catch-all excuse for just wanting something big to make up for other aspects of their person or life. I've never seen a Hummer towing anything. A Surburban is rarely seen by me with all its seats filled with passengers. Usually it's one person, maybe a family, but never a collection of people and stuff large enough that they couldn't fit into something that might cram into a garage.
Road stature is merely the intimidation factor they think they have on the mean streets of the suburbs. They think, because their behemoth is barreling towards your small car, you're going to move. Some people do move. I don't move. Go ahead and hit me. I'll see ya in court, and you'll be buying me a new car because mine will pinball off yours and keep me perfectly safe, and not roll over. The higher they are and the bigger they feel compared to other drivers, the more secure they are in themselves. Which takes me back to my theory.
I think we can all agree that a large percentage of large SUV/truck drivers (mainly the Hummer H2, Chevy Suburban, GMC Yukon XL, Ford Excursion, but I also put in those people that feel the need to drive giant lifted pickups and dualies when they haven't seen a ranch, much less use that pickup on a ranch) don't need that much truck. The vast majority of those people would be fine with a midsize SUV, or even a midsize sedan, right? That's what I'm going with.
Watch a Hummer driver the next time they drop back down to earth upon exit. Have you ever seen a guy over 6 feet tall driving one? It's rare. Ever seen a tall woman driving one, for that matter? Can't say I have. Usually it's rather small people. And if they're tall, I'm convinced they've got major genitalia issues. Vienna sausage compared to bratwurst, if you follow me. I think you'll find a disproportionate amount of small people driving large vehicles. If they're not small in height, I'm convinced they have insecurity issues and need something to make themselves feel big.
Not that I can relate, but it's still my theory and I like it anyway. I'm not jealous, I could drive one of those if I wanted to, but I don't enjoy driving trucks. I'm 6'3" and drive an Acura RSX. Why a small sports coupe? It's fun, it handles well, I get double digit miles to the gallon, it's really all I need in capacity, and it's fast enough to avoid all the crazy SUV people. Or maybe I'm just secure with myself. I feel just as safe as an SUV driver. I have the same number of airbags, and I know I'd have to drive off a cliff to roll over. I can maneuver around obstacles much better than an SUV, whose only option might be to ram it. Large SUV drivers scare the living crap out of me sometimes, because that false sense of superiority and security they have leads them to be ignorant, selfish, or inattentive. Perhaps that's why I have a problem with them.
But I'm still convinced the drivers of said SUVs have major issues with smallness. Perhaps a nationwide boost in self esteem would lead to severely declining sales of the Hummer? I can hope.
The larger the SUV or truck one drives, the smaller a person they are, in one way, shape, or form. Take a look around, I think you'll agree with me. What motivates a person to drive an unnecessarily large vehicle? Most of those buyers will claim one of a few things: Safety, utility, or road stature. Bear with me, I'll explain.
The safety part is a crock, but they all love to cite that as a reason. Why get the midsize SUV when a Hummer is safer because it's larger? There's more material and weight to protect me! Of course, that added weight, material, and especially height also lead to a disproportional amount of rollovers compared to smaller vehicles, and the death rate for large SUVs is higher as well. Flipping onto your roof in an accident isn't very safe.
Utility is usually a catch-all excuse for just wanting something big to make up for other aspects of their person or life. I've never seen a Hummer towing anything. A Surburban is rarely seen by me with all its seats filled with passengers. Usually it's one person, maybe a family, but never a collection of people and stuff large enough that they couldn't fit into something that might cram into a garage.
Road stature is merely the intimidation factor they think they have on the mean streets of the suburbs. They think, because their behemoth is barreling towards your small car, you're going to move. Some people do move. I don't move. Go ahead and hit me. I'll see ya in court, and you'll be buying me a new car because mine will pinball off yours and keep me perfectly safe, and not roll over. The higher they are and the bigger they feel compared to other drivers, the more secure they are in themselves. Which takes me back to my theory.
I think we can all agree that a large percentage of large SUV/truck drivers (mainly the Hummer H2, Chevy Suburban, GMC Yukon XL, Ford Excursion, but I also put in those people that feel the need to drive giant lifted pickups and dualies when they haven't seen a ranch, much less use that pickup on a ranch) don't need that much truck. The vast majority of those people would be fine with a midsize SUV, or even a midsize sedan, right? That's what I'm going with.
Watch a Hummer driver the next time they drop back down to earth upon exit. Have you ever seen a guy over 6 feet tall driving one? It's rare. Ever seen a tall woman driving one, for that matter? Can't say I have. Usually it's rather small people. And if they're tall, I'm convinced they've got major genitalia issues. Vienna sausage compared to bratwurst, if you follow me. I think you'll find a disproportionate amount of small people driving large vehicles. If they're not small in height, I'm convinced they have insecurity issues and need something to make themselves feel big.
Not that I can relate, but it's still my theory and I like it anyway. I'm not jealous, I could drive one of those if I wanted to, but I don't enjoy driving trucks. I'm 6'3" and drive an Acura RSX. Why a small sports coupe? It's fun, it handles well, I get double digit miles to the gallon, it's really all I need in capacity, and it's fast enough to avoid all the crazy SUV people. Or maybe I'm just secure with myself. I feel just as safe as an SUV driver. I have the same number of airbags, and I know I'd have to drive off a cliff to roll over. I can maneuver around obstacles much better than an SUV, whose only option might be to ram it. Large SUV drivers scare the living crap out of me sometimes, because that false sense of superiority and security they have leads them to be ignorant, selfish, or inattentive. Perhaps that's why I have a problem with them.
But I'm still convinced the drivers of said SUVs have major issues with smallness. Perhaps a nationwide boost in self esteem would lead to severely declining sales of the Hummer? I can hope.
posted by Brian at 4:03 PM
1 Comments:
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